Good Afternoon Ted and Jody:
Yesterday began with all the earmarks of a FUBAR. A cap on one of my teeth that was loose. So, I got to my dentist’s office before it opened at 8. The earliest Kelly, the receptionist/billion clerk could only fit me in was 9. She was apologetic for the wait. Remarkable. Since I had an hour to kill I went over to the medical center where I had been trying to get an appointment with a chiropractor. When I asked the receptionist there for an appointment I she said “I will write a note . . . “ I interrupted her. “I will wirte a note and someone in billing will check your insurance and call you for an appointment.” She looked bemused. I went on to explain, “8 weeks ago, your colleague who sits over there told me this. I am still waiting for the call; and, it is rather more urgent now. If she is not taking new patients, tell me now.” Without saying a word, the woman concentrated on her computer for a few minutes then got up and said “I’ll be right back” and disappeared into that room where only staff is allowed (it must contain isolated staph infections). A few minutes later she returned and handed me an appointment card with first patient information sheets to fill out. I must confess a little disappointment that this obviated my line “I’d like to talk to your supervisor.” And it eliminated the need for me to dramatically whip out my cell phone and snap her photo since she wasn’t wearing an ID tag. So, I guess I have to settle for an appointment on Friday.
I made it back to the dentist for my 9 O’clock fit-in appointment with 15 minutes to spare. By 10 O’clock I was out with a prescription in my hot little hands for Hydrocodone/Acetaminophen. Yes, the tooth was fractured below the gum line in a such a fashion that saving it was not an option. Now, my dentist stands about 5 foot one inch tall. So to get purchase, she has to climb on my chest, with high heels, and pull. I asked her why the high heels. She says it is to cause enough pain in the chest to distract me from the insult she is committing on and about my jaw. It worked; the Hydrocodone/Acetaminophen is for the pains in my chest. I also got a sheet of instructions about how to heal up the high-heel wounds in my chest and a box containing salve and gauze.
I took the prescription to a local drug store and hit the jack pot. The store actually had large bags of the Coffee Nut variety of M&Ms. Mars introduced Coffee Nut, Honey Nut, and Chili something or other M&Ms (obviously they did not make a positive impression on my pallet) earlier this year and asked buyers to send in a vote for their favorite. Coffee Nut won. I won’t confess to being addicted to Coffee Nut M&Ms, but I did buy the store out and when I got to the car I realized that I still had to take in my prescription for Hydrocodone/Acetaminophen to get it filled. So, I tottered back into the store.
Yes, I tottered. The lower back is giving me fits (the reason I needed the appointment with a chiropractor) and causing balance problems. However, the Hydrocodone/Acetaminophen gave me relief from the back and leg pains all day yesterday. I didn’t notice any change in the pains from the high heel holes in my check chest. Strange. Do you suppose the dentist gave me the Hydrocodone/Acetaminophen variety for backs and not the one for the pains caused by the chest holes?
In any event, a day that started out looking like it was going to be a full blown FUBAR turned out the be one full of benefits: finally, an appointment with the chiropractor on Friday; a whole trunk load of Coffee Nut M&Ms; and, an opportunity to make up a story to go with the eventual scars on my chest from the visit to the dentist—for who would believe that she would have stood on my chest in high heels to pull a tooth.
Warmest regards, Ed