What the Heck is That? & 039 Use the Deluxe Reader (Agent Amanda Story)

Good Morning Ted and Jody:


It did not rain yesterday morning and well into the afternoon.  That drew everyone within a three-mile radius (except for those on the lake of course who were too busy fishing) outside to see what the problem was.  Not raining this time of year indicates a problem such as nuclear war, the rapture, or even shift of the Earth on its axis.  Neighbors began to mill about outside. There was a three-sided debate about what that shiny light was in the sky. As you can imagine the three factions were a sun faction, a moon faction, and a UFO faction.  Well, the debate got a bit heated and the first thing you know the sun faction was beating the UFO faction with sticks.  The moon factions picked up rocks, and the UFO faction found a WWII howitzer and fired off a round or two before the state police and national guard entered the fray.  It turns out the second round fired from the howitzer made a pot hole in WA504 just seconds before a Sherrif Patrol Car hauling Green died moonshine for the St. Patrick’s Day party scheduled at the Sons Of Norway in Kelso today.  Well, that got everyone ticked off (they all apparently had invites and were looking forward to the Irish songs as interpreted by the Sons of Norway to the accompaniment of the Highlander Bagpipe Brigade).  So everyone got behind the howitzer and pushed it into the lake.  I have to tell you the fish were not having any implements of violence in their territory, so they pushed it back out into the path of an oncoming log truck[EW1] , which in turn ended up in the lake.  Fortunately, it was upside down, so it floated.  Gerry Grimley, the log truck driver, floated too, so everyone, even the fish who like log trucks about as much as they like implements of war got together and used the howitzer as a leaver to get the truck back on the road.  By the time we got Gerry Brimley back on the road, it started to rain, so everyone ran for cover.  Needless to say, all were relieved that damned bright light was no longer there and we were back to normal—no nuclear war, no rapture, no tilt adjustment of the Earth’s axis.

I hope this finds you happy, healthy, wealthy and lacking the kind of excitement bright lights in the sky bring.

Warmest Regards, Ed


PS Nancy went without vertigo all day yesterday and has a sewing class today.

PPS  Happy St. Patrick’s Day

039 Use the Deluxe Reader

Fiction in 773 words by T. Edward Westen, 2017


Agents Clarkton reported that they had found no missing syringes up line for several hundred years.  “We think she replaced what she took in another way,” said Amanda.  “We just don’t know yet how.  Perhaps she had them fabricated.  But I checked the fabrication shops until I realized she would have done that up line as well. That is a bit more difficult to do systematically as there are hundreds of them in this city alone.   So, we came back to rethink our strategy.


“I got ahold of Alice Beaverton’s deluxe reader.  It does not have the plagiarized children’s books on it,” said Special Agent Fleishman.


Agent Amanda quickly asked, “If the books were plagiarized in the past would they still be in the system under their modern author’s?”


“You mean the grandfather paradox would prevent them from being in her deluxe reader?” asked Jonathon.


“Precisely,” responded Amanda.  “Since the reader is not alive and does not have an implant, the earlier plagiarism would negate any subsequent publication.  It would be as if they were never published contemporaneously.”  She thought for a moment.  “Indeed, when the author, Melissa Hickson, in the 21st Century plagiarized them, if she did it from Alice’s deluxe reader as soon as they appeared then the contemporary author’s copyright would have been rejected by AWBD and they would disappear from her reader as well back in the 21st Century.


“So, we have to catch whoever is doing this in the act,” said Outreach Agent Simmons.


“Isn’t plagiarism committed in private and then once done published?” asked Agent Brice.


Everyone in the room nodded.


“So how do we catch her, or whoever is doing this in the act?” Brice asked.


There was silence for a very long 30 seconds.  Then Outreach Agent Simmons spoke. “If we can identify who is doing this, then we take readers with the books on Alice Beaverton’s deluxe reader back with us.  When a title disappears from the readers we carry back, we know to pivot to them just a bit prior.”


Agent Amanda smiled. “That is brilliant.  Now, all we have to do is identify who is doing this plagiarizing and where and when they are.


Special Agent Fleishman tilted his head and looked thoughtful for a moment.  Then he said, “I think this takes us back to the early 21st Century.  I think we have been overlooking the fact that Alice Beaverton, or at least one version of her, disappeared from prison shortly after giving birth to her daughter.”


Outreach Agent Simmons nodded vigorously.  “I thought she looked younger than the image we had been using.  Could she have sent her younger self back her to be with her daughter and stuck it out alone in the 21st Century?”

“Let’s go back and see if Edith Gunderson and Defective Philipson can help.  We are, after all, still looking for Alive Beaverton back then.” Said Special Agent Fleishman.


When they popped into Edith Gunderson’s office,

Millie was filing some papers.  She dropped them and pulled out the third drawer down and calmly took out a bottle of single malt and a glass.  “If you are going to keep doing this, you need to get me a new bottle,” she said, pouring herself a healthy slug.


“Sorry about that, Millie,” said Agent Amanda. “But we never know where you are.”


“Where I am, I am now, here, I am in a nice quiet corner of the universe.  No gun play down here, no traffic down here, but you, you are everywhere.  I wonder,” Millie said, taking a long drink, “if you are even real.”


Agent Brice stepped out of the room shut the door behind him and then opened it with a new bottle of single malt, same label, in his hand.  He walked over to Millie, handed it to her and said, “I do apologize for us popping in.  But we do need to find Sylvia Chu. And she is now. We just don’t know where.”


Millie smiled, clutched the new single malt bottle to her bosom for a moment before putting it longing in the file drawer. “Edith, I mean Ms. Gunderson and Detective Philipson are out checking on a sighting of Ms. Chu.”  She paused and looked around.  “They should be back momentarily.”.  Looking around and seeing he old single malt bottle with a half an inch in it said, “No sense letting this go to waste.”  She poured it into her glass and sipped it with a coy smile on her face.  Finally noticing each of the time travelers held he same thing in their hands asked, “What are those?”


About democratizemoney

Retired University Professor
This entry was posted in fiction, off the wall, Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to What the Heck is That? & 039 Use the Deluxe Reader (Agent Amanda Story)

  1. Eddy Winko says:

    At first I thought you had mixed your meds up, but then hearing that Nancy had a good day I dismissed the idea. So I decided that you are collaborating with Arlo Guthrie of the follow up to the Motorcycle song and he may have slipped you a tab?
    I’m so glad that I watched Back to the Future, it helped me get through this latest episode!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. beetleypete says:

    Just as well I didn’t have too much wine last night. (Enough though…)
    I just about got this episode, and felt unduly pleased with myself for managing to see sense in it.
    Best wishes, Pete.


  3. Well it does my head in 🙂


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