Crows, Phones and Pixels & 010 What Do You Mean This Is the Last Body?

Good Morning Ted and Jody:

I didn’t know crows were predators until yesterday.  I was on my stationary bike going nowhere but the pedals were moving giving me the illusion that motion was possible.  It wasn’t as the bike has no wheels.  Well, I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, turned to watch a crow circle then drop into the tall grass on the other side of or chain link fence only to immediately fly up clutching a 12-inch (my estimate) snake in one of its feet.  The crow landed on the top rail of my fence (the snake hung down, that is how I made my estimate).  The crow killed the snake by pecking at it and then began eating it.  I looked up crows and they are opportunists–predators and scavengers.  I never knew that.

Friday Nancy and I took the Ridgeline to the dealership to have two Sammy items installed that were not available back in January — carpet in the trunk well and a cargo net in the same trunk well.  We went to Best Buy at Cascade Station to have a “specialist” look at my smartphone.  It has bars across the screen that should not be there.  The cell phone service provider could not remove the bars without a factory reset so they told us to call the manufacturer.   The manufacturer sent us to their “expert ” in Jansen Beach, OR.  The “expert” eventually determined it was a hardware problem and we should get back in touch with Samsun to get a mailing label to send it in.  “Your carrier will give you a loaner.”  Turns out the carrier does not have loaners.  Funny the car dealer had loaners so we could have the phone checked out while the cargo net and trunk carpet were being installed.  Fortunately, Nancy has an old phone I can use until the one being sent by UPS gets back.

I did learn something about digital cameras in the process.  It seems that in a 1024-pixel block on a sensor chip, one pixel is used to focus.  IN the new Samsung, smartphone cameras, two pixels are used for focusing rather than one—dual pixel cameras.  This produces a sharper image. I knew computer software was designed to sample, I just never knew how little they sampled—1 out of 1024 pixels!

I trust this finds you well, happy and adequately sampled.

Warmest Regards, Ed

010 What Do You Mean This Is the Last Body?

Fiction in 741 works by T. Edward Westen, 2017

Thomas Aldrich Edison was beside himself.  “What do you mean this is the last body, err, subject.” I contracted you for ten.  How can this be the last?  Why I need five more just to see where they are ending up?”

“Well, it seems the rest of the “cryo-vaults in the storage unit we got are, shall we say, a bit past best use by date,” replied the small, weasel looking fellow in the cutoffs and a tank top.

“Use by date? I thought they were in cryogenic storage for, well, for centuries?” said Thomas Aldrich Edison.

“They were at least since the 23rd Century.  But the firm went out of business and they parked them in a storage unit and their rent ran out.  My partner and I purchased the contents of the unit and had to clear it out.  Well, some of them boxes sprung leaks; and, how were we to know they need things like liquid nitrogen?  We didn’t find the note telling us about the liquid nitrogen until the first one we opened and found, well, compost and bones.  That stank to high heaven and we had to move it outside or the landlord would have tossed us out on our ear.  So, unless we find another storage unit with cryo-vaults in it, we are fresh out of fresh bodies.  Say, you never did say what you did with them. Why a note to find out where they went?  Hey, are you on the up and up?”

“You need to give me my money back,” wined Thomas Aldrich Edison.  “You only delivered half of what you promised.”

The small fellow who looked like a weasel made of show of patting his pockets and then said, “Right, must have left my wallet in the conveyance.”  He held up an index finger, shook his head positively and said, “Right, I’ll go out and get your money.  Be right back.” With that, he was out the door in a flash.

Thomas Aldrich Edison got distracted by setting up the fifth volunteer to be resuscitated. “Of course, you are a volunteer,” he said to the corpse. “Everyone want to come back.”

He tilted his head and then said, “Well I know because no one wants to leave.”

He tilted his head again, “Suicides, I must confess I had never thought of that.  Why pray tell would anyone want to commit suicide?”

He tilted his head and his eyes got big, “Of course, to get to the other side.  Say, that is where they all went, to the other side.  So, leaving a note would not be fruitful? “

Thomas Aldrich Edison thought, ‘But, I must put a note on this one, surely someone will find it and get back to me.’  He picked up a price of paper and wrote ‘Please notify Thomas A. Edison of Menlo Park when you find me.’  Then he shook his head, ‘That won’t do.  HE picked up the pencil and added ‘Substantial Reward.’  He looked at his handiwork, nodded and approached his volunteer then said out loud, “There is no way to attach this or,” prying at the corps’ fingers, “Get you to hang on.”  He drummed his fingers on the table and cast his eyes about his lab.  Stopping on the ball of string attached to a kite he said, “Eureka.”  HE smiled broadly and thought, ‘I should have known.  After a, l I am a genius.’  He cut a price of strong folded the note so that it was secure on the string and tied it around his volunteer’s neck.  “I should get a round of applause.”

Thomas Aldrich Edison stood and proceeded to clap, loudly and vigorously for a full minute.  Then turning to his volunteer said, “You my good fellow will find it harder to hide than your cohorts. “

Thomas Aldrich Edison activated the soon to be Lazarus device and “Bon voyage my good man.”  When the 2×2 inch frozen human essence came into contact with the corpses forehead, the corpse , like his five professors vanish.

Thomas Aldrich Edison nodded his head and thought, ‘Now it just a matter of time before someone finds out volunteer.  After all a nude body is bound to attract some attention.  One doesn’t see those every day.

As he folded the tripod and put the 2×2 inch bar of iced human essence away he thought, ‘I wonder what is taking him so long to bring back my money?’

 

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About democratizemoney

Retired University Professor
This entry was posted in birds, digital devices, Photography and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Crows, Phones and Pixels & 010 What Do You Mean This Is the Last Body?

  1. beetleypete says:

    Ah, crazy inventors. A futuristic Frankenstein, and a gullible one at that.
    I am left wondering why the cube of human essence is necessary for successful transportation.
    I suspect you intended to instill that very thought process, so well done!

    Around here, one of the reasons why they blast so many crows with shotguns is because they kill and eat fledgling pheasants on the ground. A local man told me that after I moved here.
    I wouldn’t have known it before, as there are no pheasants in central London. 🙂

    Best wishes, Pete.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you.
      I suppose gullibility is a trait of someone all wrapped up in themselves. 🙂
      I have lived in countryside settings for close to 45 years and I didn’t know the predatory side of crow until the day before yesterday.
      Warmest regards, Theo

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I thought crows just ate worms and stuff. We do not get snakes in Wardley (not so I’ve noticed anyway) so don’t suppose I’ll see them in action. It’s going to be fun when the agents find the next body 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Eddy Winko says:

    Crows are protected over here in Poland as numbers had fallen, although I’m not sure what caused there demise, anything that kills pheasants gets my vote.
    I like the future Burke and Hare characters, I’m sure they will be providing more bodies now that they know there is demand 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you.
      I know a species of crows native to Australia were protected but did not know crows were protected in Poland.
      I confess I had to look up Burke and Hare. Different criminals in different countries (then too I lead a sheltered life 🙂 )
      Warmest regards, Ed

      Like

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