On “May 8, 2017, Absolutely Nothing of Interest to Anyone Happened Here & 019 Family Resemblance

Good Morning Ted and Jody:

It was a quiet day at Silver Lake.  Indeed, we need to get a plaque to put up on the front of the house that says, “On “May 8, 2017, Absolutely Nothing of Interest to Anyone Happened Here.”  Today will be much the same.

I see on the speculation that Jeff Sessions is worried about Kaspersky Labs software being a window through which Russian hackers can exercise aggression towards the US.  If the Russians hadn’t thought of that before, they have now.

I also see on the speculation that the internet team of Anonymous has issued a warning of the pending beginning of w WWIII over the Korean issue between Kim and pestilence. I had wondered why it had slipped from the news.

I reviewed my osprey shoot this morning When I took the photos of the osprey with the Nikon P900 I was pleased with some of the results.  I must observe, however, that the Nikon P900 is not as fast between shots as the Canon, Sony or Samsun are.  This makes the timing of wildlife shots more crucial with the Nikon.

I trust this finds you happy, healthy and using System Mechanic or Norton instead of Kaspersky for your internet security.

Warmest regards, Ed

019 Family Resemblance

Fiction in 978 words by T. Edward Westen, 2017


When Andy Kellog opened his front door, he was genuinely surprised to find Detective Philipson, Captain Batan and a man and woman he did not know. ‘Evening officers.  What can I do for you?”

“Andy, do you recognize either of these two men?” asked Captain Batan handing him the photos of Walter and Wilbur Seams.

“They look like Grandpa Seams or they are related to him,” replied Andy. “Mildred,” Andy called out. “Fetch the Seams side of the family album, then put some coffee on.  Turning to the officers and the two with them, Andy said, “Come on in.  We’ll look at the Seams family and see if any of them are these two.”

As the all entered Andy’s home, Captain Batan, made the introductions.  “Andy, this is Special Agent Fleishman and Agent White.  They are working with us trying to figure out where that naked woman came from that showed up in your cab? “

“Got the Bureau in to help.  Good idea.  People, clothes on or not just don’t show up out of thin air.  That Enquirer guy is on me all the time to give him information about that dead lady. Information, I can tell you that I don’t have.  Never seen her before, clothes on or not.  I’d remember.  But he doesn’t take no for an answer.  He is convinced there is some crazy magician or wizard or some damned foolishness behind the dead bodies popping up over on Mulberry and 38th.  I can tell you that I stay away from that corner, yessiree Bob, I do.  I’ll drive four blocks to avoid that corner.  Don’t charge for the extra distance, but don’t want no more naked ladies or men for all that materializing in my cab.  I see from a distance that you have put a tent up for new naked bodies, and you got how many now five?”  Andy’s monologed was interrupted by his wife handing him a bound photo album. “Thanks, Baby.”  Pointing to each visitor, in turn, Andy named each for his wife “This is Captain Batan.  Next to him Is Detective Phillipson. They worked the case of the dead lady in my cab.  These two are Special Agent Fleishman and Agent White, The Bureau.”  Then pointing to his wife, he completed the introduction, “This here is my better half, Mildred.”  He beamed and nodded his head as he uttered the words ‘my better half.’

Mildred blushed and said, “I have coffee and cookies in the dining room.  That may be the best place to look at the album.”  And she curtsied.

As they walked into the dining room, Andy Kellog patted the album.  “Momma was a Seams.  She said the family is important but don’t believe that stuff about blood being thicker than water as oil is thicker than water and some of the thickness in the blood makes some of them thick in the head.  I think momma bot beat too much as a girl and resented the hell out of it.  She always said, use the rod and kill the love of a child.  She never beat us, nor even slapped our faces.  But I got to tell you that you didn’t want to see that disapproving look in her eye.” He put the album down on the table and opened it near the middle.  “Here are the wedding pictures.  Everyone was there, Seams, Kellog, Merchant, and Ives.  Her momma was an Ives and she is a Merchant,” said Andy pointing to Mildred who was busy placing cups in front of everyone and filling the cups with coffee.  Again, Mildred blushed.

Agent White looked at the wide panorama that was the four families at the wedding and pointed to two younger looking versions of Wilber and Walter and asked, “Are these Wilbur and Walter Seams?”

“Why if you had put a name to them when you showed me the photos at the door,” said, Andy, “I would have known right off who they were.  Yup, that is the twin terrors that were momma’s brother’s boys.”

“You say, ‘were her brothers?’ What happened to them?” asked Agent White.

“About a week after we were hitched,” said Andy, “both of them came to dinner.  Wilbur, that’s that one that done it, threw a cup at Mildred.  I picked him up and removed him from the premises.  His broth Walter objected and made a fist.  So, I remove him as well. I informed them that they were no longer welcome in this home, ever.  Ain’t seen either of them since.”

“Do you have any idea of where we can find them?” asked Agent White.

“Used to live in Centerville,” replied Andy.  Thinking for a moment he added, “By the general store, but I ain’t seen them in what, 18 years?” turning to his wife for confirmation.

Mildred looked uncomfortable.  She scuffed her feet and finally said, “I saw Walter two weeks ago.  He came by to tell me his wife passed.”  She frowned.  “I didn’t know he got married, so it was not the kind of news that makes sense to a body.  He did say she was being interred at Foxglove Cometary if I cared to visit.”  She shook her head, “He never even told me her name.”

Agent White asked, “What were they like when you knew them?”

“I don’t know that either of them ever had a real job,:” replied Mildred.  “They always had some deal going or a game of cards or dice and always seemed to have a dollar or two.”

Andy jumped in, “I heard Wilbur was arrested for running a chop shop ten years or so ago.  I suspect you have more information on them boys than we do.”

Mildred nodded in agreement and offered cookies on a platter to the guests.

“These are delicious,” said Detective Philipson.  “I love the touch of coconut in them.”



About democratizemoney

Retired University Professor
This entry was posted in fiction, Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to On “May 8, 2017, Absolutely Nothing of Interest to Anyone Happened Here & 019 Family Resemblance

  1. beetleypete says:

    Nothing ever happens here either. It’s called ‘getting old’, I think. 🙂
    The Nikon has a slow processor. Bridge cameras often do, so ‘buffering’ becomes an issue.

    The Seams/Kellog connection has no end of possibilities. Nicely done.
    Best wishes, Pete.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you.
      So interesting stuff avoids us old folks? 🙂
      Yes, the speed of the processor is not something I was worried about. Now, I know to pay a bit more attention to the timing of when I trip the shutter while photographing the osprey.
      I do what I can to make the twists and turns as accurate at the characters relay them to me. 🙂
      Warmest regards, Theo
      PS. I refrained from naming Issy and Moe a made for TV movie on your blog. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I wonder if the connection to Andy is just a co-incidence or there is more to it than that, the Seams bro’s couldn’t know a body would turn up in Andy’s car.. or could they!?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Eddy Winko says:

    I have spent too much time looking at bridge cameras over the last few days and I have almost convinced myself the most of the visiting wildlife is fairly slow moving 🙂 Still Christmas is along way off.
    I think Andy should start playing the lottery, the cosmic joker seems to be clustering the numbers of probability around him.

    Liked by 1 person

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